My Testimony

I was raised in a middle class family, my dad a Navy SEAL and my mom a stay-at-home mom. A couple of months after my 9th birthday, my mom died of Lupus(an auto immune disease). This would play a large part of my anger at and waged war against God, who for a majority of my life, I blamed for my mother's death.

Around this time or maybe a year earlier, I don't remember exactly when, I was baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ for Latter Day Saints(LDS). As an 8 or 9 year old, I was under the impression that I was saved and that this church was a church where God resided in. I was a member until after my 13th birthday, where I was suppose to go to church 3 times each Sunday. Well, I got tired of that and I was disappointed that God seemed to change His mind a lot. It wasn't until years later that I found out that the LDS is a false church and their "Jesus" isn't the Jesus of the Bible. Tho I wasn't saved there and never could be saved there, I now know that the question of "God changing His mind a lot" was the Holy Spirit nudging my conscienceness about the LDS. I can look back now and know that that wasn't the only time that God worked in my life, that through my whole life before I was saved, I can see circumstances where God got involved in my life.

By the time I graduated from high school at 19, I wasn't involved with any church and I had a fierce anger at God, where I took His name in vain, cursed Him out, challenged Him to come fight me, and anything else I could do show how I disliked God and could careless what anybody had to say to me about my attitude towards Him. When I was 20, my grandmother turned over to me money and stocks and bonds that my grandfather had invested for me from the time I was born. This was a lot of money, to the point that I didn't have to work in a job as I considered my job to be investing my money into stocks and to living off the gains I made from doing so.

At 23, fresh from dropping out of college, I bought myself my first home, a condo in NJ. Tho it was a difficult process, mainly because I had no credit rating, I was in my own home, and that meant a lot to me. I stayed there 3 1/2 years, where I spent a majority of my time being by myself, investing in the stock market and being very careful with the money. I spent some weekends at my friend's house in central NJ, who I met in college. Eventually I moved up there and bought myself a house, which I managed to turn into a house of debauchy.

I had my own house and did whatever I liked, whether that was having loud parties and disturbing the neighbors, shooting my semi-automatic shotgun off my back porch, drinking large amounts of booze, doing cocaine or speed, hooking up with women from bars and other places, gambling on sports, and whatever else I could do to please myself. At this time, I still had the condo so I was paying two morgages, which I couldn't afford to do and that and spending foolishly with the money I manged to go broke and had to turn to my dad to bail me out.

I lived almost 5 years at this house and I manged to treat that house badly and didn't bother to try to keep up with the upkeep. Nothing mattered to me other than pleasing myself with whatever I wanted, no matter if that was doing drugs, having sex with women or prositutes, buying x-rated movies, or betting on sports with money I didn't have. And that attitude didn't do me any favors with the police, who were a constant part of my life, whether I was arrested for drunk driving or disorderly conduct. It came to a point where I realised that if I didn't leave there, I was going to end up in jail or dead. And for reasons I didn't realise until later, I decided to move to Arizona, where my sister was living with her family.

Before I got to Arizona, I had sold both the condo and the house and I had some money when I got there, tho I had quite a few credit cards that had big balances on them that I didn't pay off with the money I got from the house. This stupid move would end up with me filing bankrupty within 2 years of getting to Arizona. Anyways, I got a furnished apartment and since I had some money, I didn't get a job and I just spent the money doing what I wanted. I continued to drink and hang out in bars and going home with women I'd meet. I stopped doing drugs as I always liked drinking better and drugs helped me to drink more.

So, in less than 2 years, I had to file for bankrupty and turned again to my dad to help me, where he ended up sending me a check to cover the bills each month but he told me I'd have to get a job or else he wouldn't help out. So I got a job and was able to make enough to be able to pay for the other things my dad's checks didn't cover. During this time I met a woman and we ended up in a relationship that would last 4 years and it was in this time that I becamed saved by Jesus.

During this relationship, my girlfriend wanted to make some changes, where drinking would be less of a focus and that going to church would be a bigger focus. It had been a lot of years since I had gone to any church other than for weddings. I balked at first as I didn't want to give up drinking and I sure didn't want to go to any church. But after one of our breakups, when we got back together, I relented and started going to church. Within a month or so, in which I started reading the Bible, I realised that I was tired of my lifestyle, I was tired of drinking, tired of the hangovers, tired of the emptiness I felt in my life and I got down on me knees and asked Jesus to save me, forgive me of my sins, and to come into my life. This was where my life changed for the better.

My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of years later and as I grew in my relationship with Jesus, I realised that that relationship didn't glorify Jesus because it was a relationship that neither of us should had persued, as the Bible describes it as adultery. I am thankful to her that she helped me to lose my anger over the death of my mom and that she introduced me to persuing a relationship with Jesus.

I've been saved for 7 years now and I can look back at my life and see where God worked in my life, like it was Him that nudged me to come to Arizona, as He knew what would happen there for me. I can also see what kind of person I was before I was saved, a depraved scumbag who enjoyed rolling around in the sleaze of the gutter, a person who despised and cussed and cursed at God, a wretched person who was worthless in my own eyes. But, in the eyes of God, I was worth something to Him, that before I knew Jesus, He had died for me, paid the price for my sins so He, and God the Father, and the Holy Spirit wouldn't have to spend eternity without me. I am forever thankful that God forgave me and saved me, and if He can forgive me, He can forgive you also, as nothing is impossible with God, no matter how unworthy you may think you are. God changes lives, and He does that by cleaning us up and setting us back on our feet, picking us up out of the gutter we put ourselves in.

Being saved doesn't mean we don't go through trials and tribulations. We go through those all the times but the difference is that being saved, Jesus is with us when we go through tough times, He takes care of us and He gets us through those times.

I met a wonderful, godly woman online 4 years ago and it was a wonderful relationship, that tho we didn't live close to each other, we were able to IM each other every night and I flew out to where she lived twice and she came out to here once. God brought us together and I'm thankful that He did. Last November, God called her home and tho I miss her terribly, I'm reassured that I'll see her again, that she knows what Jesus looks like, what heaven is like, what God the Father and the Holy Spirit look like, things we discussed numerous times.

The reason I mention this is that I know where she is and I can testify that I'll see her again, and the reason I can say this is because God promised me eternal life, if I believe in Jesus and what He did on the cross to reconcile me to Him. There is a peace, a total peace that only Christians know, a calming peace that everything is alright. If you would like to have this peace and assurance in knowing where you are going after this life, then get on your knees and ask God to forgive you of all your sins, and ask Jesus to come into your heart, to be your Lord and Savior. If you are sincere, then you'll be saved and you'll start a new relationship, a personal relationship with God, a relationship of unconditional love and grace.


"I'll stand on the absolute truth, the Word of God, and leave the relative truth to worldly people".